the brother of the world. can i ever be as good as you? can i ever be as nonjudgmental? as open? as full of love in that “silent fortitude” way? my god, you were so brilliant on so many levels. i move through the world with only one arm, one hand, because i have lost half of my heart. i have half a heart and i am encased in a brittle shell that contains a yolk of anguish. you are alive on my breath. this is the worst thing that has ever happened in my life. and i think of you always, and how i am a fragment, just a satellite in the galaxy of you. i am aware that so many other people also breathe you; have created monuments to you in their own way. my love, so much has happened since you transitioned from us. other people passed, and some have garnered notable achievements, some have moved far away, others have married, and babies have been born. one baby even bears your name. you have meant THAT MUCH–that your legacy lives on in a new soul who will certainly learn of you. Bravo my love. can I ever be as beautiful as you? i told you so many many times that i love you. but i rarely said i was proud of you. Papi I am.
there are so many days when i truly feel that i cannot go on. i miss you that much. i feel defeated and as soft and bland as gruel. i feel as if my consistency is an amalgam of pain and tears and hopelessness. why were you plucked away from me? why did the star who was my moon burst into dust and leave a black hole in my cosmos? i feel infinite sorrow, and it is perplexing to many. i know so may people tire of me, of this. but as long as i have my sanity, you will forever be alive in my soul. may your spirit guide me to be a better person in this fleshy existence. Thank You for being so special to so many people. there are still a few of us holding candles in your name, in loving vigil. i have met so many of your people, and it has been an honor to meet them. it has been an honor to be guardian and griot of your legacy. thank you for being a brother to so many–a brother of the world. may i resolve to be more like you in that way. Thank You my friend. my MoonBoy, my heart. till insanity or death. and i will meet you on the other side, Papi. not just yet, but i will one day. the tables have turned for now. so clean up and get the couch ready for me–knowing you, it’s gonna take a long while. and that’s okay by me. i’ve got a lot of business to tend to in the meantime… your girl in love and solidarity — Jean aka Cielo.